The Beast Walks Alone

 

Every reasonably civilized person needs a plausible explanation for those occasional drifts toward the outer edge of acceptable behavior. This should not be confused with stepping completely over that edge, but merely approaching it more closely than one normally would—and perhaps remaining there long enough to make a few observations. Mikey has therefore decided that the time has come to introduce his other half—his internal other half, not to be confused with his better half. Many of us have multiple facets to our personalities, whether we admit it or even realize it, and Mikey is not shy about discussing the personality he jokingly calls “his cousin,” although he admits that this cousin sometimes pushes the boundaries. This cousin, meanwhile, is frequently perturbed by Mikey’s “overly zealous restraint,” as he describes what he considers to be a stifling character flaw.

Mikey’s “cousin” is not what one would probably call your average alter ego by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he probably obliterates the borders that most minds are comfortably contained within. For instance, Mikey’s alter ego has his own adopted family and has taken their last name as his own. So at last the time has come for Mikey to introduce the world to the personality he affectionately calls Mikey C—short for Mikey Cantstandya, a surname derived from the famously mangled name Costanza. Those familiar with the name’s comedic origin are probably wondering why someone would purposely assume such a self-humiliating last name. To those, Mikey C would simply roll his eyes and give one of those laughs that magically contains the unspoken words: “are you serious?”

This is where the story becomes even more complex and convoluted. Mikey C considers himself a member of the Costanza family, probably specifically so that he could adopt the spoof on the name for his own. As television lore has it, “Cantstandya” was the name George Costanza’s high-school gym teacher gave him because the two did not get along particularly well. Mikey C, somewhere deep inside a mental rabbit hole, decided to claim George as a cousin and take the same surname. But Mikey C did not take this name for himself for self-deprecating purposes. Instead, Mikey C has flipped the original intent and projected this moniker outward towards the people and things that he finds to be less than likable, and that’s putting it mildly. To clarify, there is the core Mikey, mostly positive and known for liking things; then there is Mikey C, complete with what he insists is a “Jersey” accent, who quite often finds that he can’t stand certain people or things.

There is considerable overlap between the natures of these two, but their preferred methods of expression differ dramatically. Mikey generally tries to find something worth appreciating. Mikey C more readily identifies the things he cannot stand—and says so with substantially less concern for diplomatic consequences. Observant readers may already have noticed Mikey C’s influence bleeding into Mikey’s thoughts and words. The Reaction Videos and Cliché Watch posts, part of the “There Were Signs” series, both contain unmistakable traces of him. In fact, the entire “Warning” recently added to the former was an unrestrained Mikey C outburst. At first Mikey was reluctant to add this fairly strong critique of the unusual medium and its proponents, even though he did find it amusing, but upon hearing Mikey C grumbling erratically and finally making out what was being said, Mikey decided to concede to his demands in order to avoid the embarrassing indignity of a self-inflicted atomic wedgie.

While these two facets of the one can sometimes work together, it seems that lately they are more frequently butting heads. Fortunately, there is usually a Charlie to serve as the referee, although he has recently begun insisting that “family” mediation is well above his pay grade. Consequently, before an internal conflict becomes a full personal crisis, a decision has been made in an effort to ease the tensions between the two. If you’ve been wondering whether all this was headed somewhere, we’ve now arrived at the destination: the domain mikeycantstandya.com has been acquired and, in the near future, will become an active outlet for Mikey C. The “kid from Jersey” will not be totally banished from Mikey Likes It and vice versa, but this will provide a needed pressure valve for those times when Mikey C gets too worked up for Mikey Likes It’s preferences. It might also serve other purposes that will be taken advantage of if and when the need arises. 

 

 

There is some irony in the fact that Mikey became known as the guy that “hates everything,” but when he discovered that he actually liked many things, and could get paid for it—Life Cereal, something he famously liked, he decided to focus on the positive rather than the negative. However, repressing the previous predominant personality apparently produced a break of sorts and thus Mikey C was animated—those that know him recognize this to be a huge understatement. Mikey C’s story is much deeper than has thus far been revealed. Mikey thinks of him as possibly the most eccentric alter ego in the world, complete with a “Joisey” accent that Mikey occasionally hears in the depths of his thoughts. This accent becomes even more pronounced as his anger rises and more than once he has threatened to “tear a new portal to the musings of the cultural icon.” His musical tastes are also frequently at odds with Mikey’s, who must at times summon considerable willpower to stop lines from some obscure bar band called Blues Hammer from resounding through his head. Imagine the following while trying to fall asleep: “Yes I’ve been plowing, picking cotton all day long…” This will tend to “rock your world” alright. Perhaps at some point, more of Mikey C’s story will be told, but that should suffice in giving readers an idea of the internal struggles that can play a role in the material that can be found at mikeylikesit.com.

Most humans have secondary sides to their personalities, and depending on how much rope we give them, they may occasionally hang us out to dry with their words or deeds. But when properly supervised—and perhaps given their own website—those other sides can sometimes be put to constructive use. Hence the birth of MikeyCantstandya.com. Between the two sites, the Mikeys believe readers should always be able to find something suited to their mood: something Mikey likes, or something Mikey C absolutely cannot stand.

And then there were two…