A Side effects medley with possible medicinal benefit…

 

We all know the commercials that have confronted television watchers for decades now with ever increasing absurdity. Pushing possible remedies for almost any imagined ailment, and more often than not the key word may well be imagined. Mikey believes the advertisements might even possess the power to convince viewers that they indeed have, or might have, the condition being discussed—conditions often unheard of before news of their existence is revealed by the sales pitch for the “cure.” Somehow that small ache has suddenly become more acute and conveniently it now has a name as well as a remedy—it’s a win-win for the pharmaceutical industry and the enormous ecosystem surrounding it, from the people who build the buildings and manufacture the pill bottles to insurance companies, doctors, lawyers, clinics, hospitals…

 

“Did the towel fall or did you psychically will it to fall?”

The ailment and the medication that might possibly relieve it, in part or in full, are the fairly tame side of this story. Now we get to the more outrageous aspect of this saga—the side effects. We know the line all too well, say it with Mikey: side effects may include. Mikey isn’t sure that this isn’t some maniacal trial balloon floated by only God knows who to determine the level of gullibility of the general public. Something like “will people take a pill for slight wrist discomfort and at the same time risk a heart attack and a dozen or so other serious and possibly life-threatening conditions in an attempt to alleviate that wrist discomfort?” That would seem to be the only explanation for the increasing level of ridiculousness that is promulgated by these types of ads. And sadly, apparently the polling has shown that people will risk it all for even the most insignificant of physical unpleasantness, real or fictitious. Therefore, the escalation continues until it doesn’t.

Did CIA Director William Casey really say, “We’ll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believes is false?”

Oh no, he didn’t. 

Or maybe he did.

Midway through the twentieth century, doctors in the USA openly promoted cigarettes in consumer magazines, professional medical journals, newspapers, and radio broadcasts. At that time, however, advertising prescription drugs to the public was not legal. The tables have now mostly turned and while cigarette advertisements are, in large part, prohibited; pharmaceuticals along with their seemingly ever-increasing catastrophic secondary effects are given free rein. It’s obvious that the average mindset sees something promoted by the establishment and thinks “this wouldn’t be allowed if it was bad for me, I probably need this.”

 

 

“Can I get a side of potentially deadly adverse effects with the cure for that minor ailment that I didn’t know I had an hour ago please? Oh, and give me a super-sized diet Coke with that too.”

Is reading the virtually undiscovered drivel at mikeylikesit.com causing you agony? Do his ramblings cause confusion, a slight headache or even irritability? If so, you may have been exposed to Mikey Adverse Reaction Syndrome. Why continue to suffer when there may now be a cure? Ask your medicinal prescription specialist if AMLIBIS is right for you. Accidentally find yourself looking into a screen with mikeylikesit.com staring back at you? Just close the browser immediately and take AMLIBIS. Find yourself wondering what strange new post may have been published at Mikey’s? Click on some mainstream pablum and take AMLIBIS. Children 12 years and older and adults with no sense of humor can take AMLIBIS up to three times per day. Children under 12 and seniors over 65 should avoid AMLIBIS and mikeylikesit.com. It is not recommended to take AMLIBIS on a nearly empty or overly full stomach. If you’re taking AMLIBIS and symptoms persist longer than seven days, please consult your boring relatives or friends.

Mikey awaits the arrival of the incredibly fast and fluent speed-talking disclaimer dude, who happens to be running late at the moment—the guy that was well-known for speed-reading fine print out loud on commercials back in the 80s—so that the side effects of AMLIBIS can be given the same treatment as a Costco receipt as you leave the store.

Okay he’s here, cue the side effects guy: AMLIBIS may cause adverse reactions in unusually intelligent people. AMLIBIS may cause COVID-like symptoms—that is to say, you may feel that you have contracted a cold or mild flu. AMLIBIS consumption can introduce severe depression and even suicidal thoughts. Other reported side effects include nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, sleeplessness, irritability, confusion, blurred vision, excessive clarity of vision, temporary loss of common sense, unexplained attraction to QR-code menus, spontaneous trust in extended automobile warranties, restless leg, lazy eye, tennis elbow, golfer’s elbow, bowler’s thumb, pickleball shoulder, loss of appetite, excessive appetite, sudden intolerance of aioli, Prolonged Ordering Frustration Syndrome (POFS), an inexplicable desire to photograph your dinner, phantom cellphone vibration, involuntary use of the phrase “game changer,” inability to distinguish influencers from people with jobs, persistent nostalgia, inexplicable longing for Blockbuster Video, distrust of refrigerators requiring software updates, compulsive yelling at clouds, male-pattern baldness, female-pattern baldness, unspecified-pattern baldness, erectile dysfunction, excessive erectile function, Unexpected Penis Detachment Syndrome (UPDS), difficulty locating previously attached body parts, moderate to severe embarrassment, and in rare cases, death.

Do not take AMLIBIS if you are allergic to AMLIBIS or any of its ingredients, particularly the active ingredient. Tell your doctor if you have ever laughed at yourself, enjoyed independent thought, read a printed menu, owned a rotary telephone, rewound a VHS tape before returning it, or remember when the word “cloud” referred primarily to weather. AMLIBIS should not be taken while operating heavy machinery, light machinery, riding a bicycle through a vineyard, strolling hand-in-hand along a beach at sunset, or inexplicably laughing with attractive friends around an outdoor dinner table.

Some patients taking AMLIBIS have experienced a sudden urge to return to mikeylikesit.com. If this occurs, discontinue AMLIBIS immediately. There is currently no known treatment.

Ask your medicinal prescription specialist whether continuing to have a sense of humor may be right for you.

The funny thing is, this does not sound that outlandish when compared to actual commercials which begs the question: how in the world did we wind up in this confused and surreal place? The place that finds us watching beautiful people frolic with golden retrievers while a soothing voice tells us that the substance being advertised may cause organ failure, suicidal thoughts, cancer, or death. And culturally, we’ve become so habituated to the format that we don’t even find the juxtaposition remarkable anymore—at least most of us don’t—and that’s why this continues and intensifies.